Posts Tagged ‘twitter’
Apparently, the Gulf Oil Spill is answering questions and attempting to clear its name on Twitter.
What does this mean to you?
First, we’ll be relocating in the coming months to the city of Auckland. Our accents will instantly change but our dedication to high-quality content will not.
Second, once we’ve buggered off and become Kiwi, we’re going to need an American correspondent. Someone who sounds extra American. If you’ve got a heavy accent, preferably Southern, we’d love to hear from you.
If you’re like me, you’re looking for tips on how to increase the number of people who follow you on Twitter. Short of hiring an Inuit, you have six choices:
- Add thousands of friends at once until Twitter won’t let you add more. Then message them all of them. It’s a rule, they have to follow you back. Start your message with something like “do u value continuing to live?”
- Find celebrities and add them. Then wait. Let them come to you. They always do.
- You can use a website to drive traffic to Twitter. Porn sites work best. If you don’t have one, it’s easy. But you’ll need a video camera.
- Abbreviations confuse Twitterers. Spell words out and spellcheck everything. Don’t use “12″ when you mean “twelve.” Typos mean lost followers.
- Family members should be blocked. Resist the temptation to add them. If they complain, let their calls go to voice-mail and report them to the police.
- Buy a billboard. I did. Totally worth it.
Do you prefer to just have people block you? Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/fakecomedian
Follow along on Twitter at
It will make you a healthier person.
And you’ll understand why Twitter is an awful medium for comedy (unless you’re following people who are funnier).
defines as fake in meter –
haiku? it’s for fucks
I’m a regular guy who does normal stuff. I’d just rather not reveal my identity. You may know me. May not. In truth, my mother is at fault here. My mother and my father. They’re both criminally insane.