If you’re like me, you’re looking for tips on how to increase the number of people who follow you on Twitter. Short of hiring an Inuit, you have six choices:
- Add thousands of friends at once until Twitter won’t let you add more. Then message them all of them. It’s a rule, they have to follow you back. Start your message with something like “do u value continuing to live?”
- Find celebrities and add them. Then wait. Let them come to you. They always do.
- You can use a website to drive traffic to Twitter. Porn sites work best. If you don’t have one, it’s easy. But you’ll need a video camera.
- Abbreviations confuse Twitterers. Spell words out and spellcheck everything. Don’t use “12″ when you mean “twelve.” Typos mean lost followers.
- Family members should be blocked. Resist the temptation to add them. If they complain, let their calls go to voice-mail and report them to the police.
- Buy a billboard. I did. Totally worth it.
Do you prefer to just have people block you? Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/fakecomedian