fakecomedian.com

If you’re like me, you’re looking for tips on how to increase the number of people who follow you on Twitter. Short of hiring an Inuit, you have six choices:

1. Add thousands of friends at once until Twitter won’t let you add more. Then message them all of them. It’s a rule, they have to follow you back. Start your message with something like “do u value continuing to live?”
2. Find celebrities and add them. Then wait. Let them come to you. They always do.
3. You can use a website to drive traffic to Twitter. Porn sites work best. If you don’t have one, it’s easy. But you’ll need a video camera.
4. Abbreviations confuse Twitterers. Spell words out and spellcheck everything. Don’t use “12″ when you mean “twelve.” Typos mean lost followers.
5. Family members should be blocked. Resist the temptation to add them. If they complain, let their calls go to voice-mail and report them to the police.
6. Buy a billboard. I did. Totally worth it.

Do you prefer to just have people block you? Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/fakecomedian